There are some people who we love to hate, despite how close
they had been to us in the past. Sometimes the feeling of hate builds up so
strong over time that the core reason why we started to hate them takes a back
seat! What everyone doesn’t know though is, unlike love, it can get very
stressful and heavy on oneself to carry the hate! Today as I was driving back
to home, I just cannot believe how much disservice I did to myself by carrying
this weight all these years on my friend-turned-foe, Abhinav.
Abhinav and I were good friends to begin with, when we
joined the engineering college on the same day. We were roommates in our first
year in the hostel and continued to hang out together ever since. What I
started noticing with time was that his circle of friends grew bigger, whereas
I always felt he was my only good friend. He was more popular among girls as
well. He was jack of all trades – theater, music, arts and sports and that
fetched him friends from all quarters. On the other side, I continued to be the
topper in academics. I was the lecturers’ favorite kid.
While we continued to be good friends, I knew I was getting
jealous of his big circle of friends and I assumed he was jealous of my
popularity with the staff. As we approached the final year of our engineering,
it was time for the elections to the student council. The dean called me to his
chamber and suggested I contest for it. I was all up for it; in fact, I was
counting on Abhinav and his wide circle of friends. That evening I met him in
the TV room and excitedly told him about the dean’s suggestion expecting him to
be equally excited. Instead, he was shocked and said the outgoing senior batch
suggested him to contest and he readily agreed expecting to get my support with
the staff! We argued about how the other person should withdraw but
neither of us backed out. We ended up contesting against each other.
I had the support of the staff which hardly mattered in the
student council elections, so I suffered a humiliating defeat. Walking past their
celebrations, I thought Abhinav gestured something obscene at me and I punched
him on the face! He held me by collar, but he just pushed me aside. That little
composure he showed won him more accolades. For rest of my final year, every
time a group of students saw me, I felt they were discussing about me. Every
time someone laughed, I felt they were making fun of me. My humiliation, my low
self-esteem and conscience, my shrunken friends circle – everything was directed
at hating him! I avoided any place or person that shares space with him. And I
carried that feeling ever since. The hate only grew stronger with passing time.
Today, after almost 5 years of college, as I was getting to
my car after work someone lifted me from behind and screaming in joy! I was
shocked to see Abhinav when I turned back! He was totally upbeat, “Vijay, it’s
been so long seeing you… how are you dude? Come let’s go for a drink” and we
ended up at the bar while I was still struggling to get to terms with what’s
going on. What I noticed though is he is genuinely happy at seeing a long-lost
friend, and the way he was reminiscing about all our college time memories made
me wonder if he even remembers an iota of what I have been holding him against!
When I finally mumbled, “Abhi, that final year episode…” he cut me short with a
hearty laugh and said, “seriously, what a hilarious incident that was! We’re a
real bunch of childish freaks, aren’t we?”.
How lightly he took the incident made me realize – the
incident that I was boiling with hatred over, he made of joke of it! I skipped
every gathering of our friends ever since only to avoid him. I missed the fun,
the good times, our convocation, and any memory of college used to fire me up
even at bedtime with my anger towards him. And here he is, who didn’t even
consider it a big deal, remembers our good times instead of hating me over a
freakish incident and totally ecstatic about seeing me after many years! While
he lived his life with no baggage, I’ve been carrying the weight of hatred and
lost peace of mind all these years! The excess baggage isn’t worth it!!
